ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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