apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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