A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
