Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
