Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
