some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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