That's when you crack a 10am beer
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
