if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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