How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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