here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
