yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
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