my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
