Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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