I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize