i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
