Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
