I want to have your abortion
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
