I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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