Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
