I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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