I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
