I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
