my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
4 words: hood of his car
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Randomize
