So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize