like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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