it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
