You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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