i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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