I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
