i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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