I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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