please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
