Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Randomize
