About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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