I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
