yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
