Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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