Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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