how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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