did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I licked your asshole in confidence.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
