It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
