I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
