U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Just invented taco cereal.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
