But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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