I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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