If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
