I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Randomize
