i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
