Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
