if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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