Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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