If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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