u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
