you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
