Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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