before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You are a genius and a whore.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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