So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Randomize
