Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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