We're facebook friends in real life
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
