So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
