Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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