dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
