if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i came on her dog
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
