I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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