Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
In other news, I just burned my penis
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
