playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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