CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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