PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
