I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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