matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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