my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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