what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
