The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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